The Onion: Beer Consumption Improves Economic Outlook

Stated as eloquently as only The Onion can:

WASHINGTON—Despite ongoing economic woes and a jobless rate that has been approaching 10 percent, U.S. unemployment projections drastically improved Monday after the consumption of five beers.

“It’s going up,” leading economist David Singleton said confidently, indicating the predicted growth in jobs with an upward wave of a Bud Light bottle. “All the way up. By the end of the month. No problem.”